We all want to be known, yet put up walls and false faces and often fool even ourselves.  We want to be known but, apparently, we want to make you work at it.

Hiding Our Authentic Self

Well, in the next four minutes I’ll do my best to show you Who I Am.  Because that’s the topic of today’s Daily Prompt.

I’m Lola Mae Smith’s granddaughter, and Mama Smith’s great-granddaughter — two salt of the earth, strong women who made much with little, who loved unconditionally, and who put their faith in God and did their best to make this earth a better place for everyone whose path they crossed, and I’m proud to carry on their line.  But talking about them is a very roundabout way of telling you about me, and since I only have four minutes I’ll try something more direct.

After spending some time with a lovely group of ladies seeking to know themselves more fully, I’ve learned that I’m a Six on the Enneagram, with a strong Seven wing.  Knowing someone’s Enneagram type is: (i) a little “woo-woo” for someone, like me, with a practical bent and from East Texas, but also (ii) very informative.  Just those four words: “I’m a __[fill in the blank with your number, from One to Nine)” tells you most of what you need to know about a person — how they approach a problem, why they do those things that irritate you, and how best to reach to their core.  The Six Type is, to quote from one apt description, “full of contradictions,” because our almost constant anxiety has us bouncing from one psychological state to another and, to allay our anxiety, we are loyal to a fault to what feels like a solid structure or belief on which to rely.  Here’s a link to a more thorough description of a Six.  And my Seven wing has me easily bored.  So between wanting to bounce around due to anxiety (Six) and wanting to bounce around due to boredom (Seven) … I’m perhaps a tad unstable.

Or, if you learn more from natal charts, I’m a double Scorpio (both my Sun and Moon were in Scorpio when I was born).  Which means I really, really love learning and and control.  Emotionally, intense is the operative word. Along with, need I say it again (no, at least the folks who know me don’t need to hear it said), I need to be in control.  So I struggle just a bit with trying to give up control and to live in the moment.  But I’m really, really trying!

My horoscope symbol

I’m a loyal Texan who has lived the past 23 years in Southern California.  I’m such a good daughter of my Lone Star State, in fact, that my children — both born and raised in California — considered themselves Texans for years.

I grew up in a small conservative East Texas town full of lakes and rolling hills and pine trees and rose bushes and Southern Baptist churches, and spent most of my time not in school in some activity at church or with my nose in a book. I’ve wanted to live in Europe for as long as I can remember, and I love history and museums and learning about almost anything.

The Lone Star State

I love to read.  I read while I get dressed, while I eat, while I wait for my twitter feed to load, before bed, any spare minute I can find. And I write.  I’d love to write a book others would love to read.  To bring to life another world into which some other little girl who is stuck in a small little town can escape.

Surrounded by Books

I’m a Mother who loves my children with all my heart and who does too much of some things for them and too little of other things.  I’d love a do-over — for them to shrink down to their baby selves again so I could just pour love into them and do all the things I now know would have been better to do.  But they are adults now and what’s done is done and all I can do is just the best I can, now.

I’m a wife to an amazing husband who patiently reads my blogs and supports me and encourages me and loves me despite the craziness that I am.  He’s visionary and creative and romantic and I am incredibly lucky to have him in my life.

Jack, contemplating life

Well, my four minutes is almost up and I haven’t yet told you something incredibly important — I love God and am a disciple of Christ and want more than anything to be more like Him.  More loving, more self-less, more patient and kind.  I need lots and lots of practice.  And Jesus is there, loving me, no matter what, along the way.

Jesus

That’s it, my four minutes is up.  Now, tell me all about YOU!