Buttermilk

Today I’m grateful for buttermilk.

When he was just a toddler, my mother used to trick my little brother by handing him a glass of “milk” filled with buttermilk instead of the creamy sweet whole milk he was anticipating. He’d take the glass, smiling, looking forward to a delicious treat of slightly sweet, smooth, rich milk and then make the funniest face, twisted mouth and wide eyes, when the sour, tang of buttermilk touched his tongue instead. OK it was mean but it was funny. And don’t worry, he got me back plenty when he got a little older.

This is not my brother; we didn’t have cellphones to let us easily capture all the moments back in the day. But you get the idea.

In addition to bringing back a memory that still makes me smile, I’m also grateful to buttermilk for the tang and depth it brings to my brown sugar buttermilk waffles (so delicious), and so many of the Southern dishes that were staples of my East Texas childhood.

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Buttermilk reminds me of my grandmother, too. Not so much because of her cooking but because of all the work required of her to provide the basics for her family. There was no carton of buttermilk at a store to be picked up waiting for her. She (or my uncle) had to milk their cows, then she had to churn the milk, and only then would she have buttermilk and the other dairy necessities required to cook the meals over an old-fashioned stove in the heat of a Texas summer with no air conditioning other than a paper fan saved from some outdoor church event. But gratitude for my grandmother will be another post, for another day.

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Today, it’s buttermilk. Tangy, tart, with the ability to add just the “je ne sais quo” to so many meals. To the soil that grew the grass that fed the cows that produced the milk, as well as the farmers, factory workers, truck drivers, grocery shelf stockers and cashiers required for me to access it. The sun that shone to grow the grass, the rain that watered the fields. All the little actions required to put 1-3/4 cup of buttermilk into my soon-to-be-eaten waffles this morning. Buttermilk, I salute you.


Fresh Starts

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January 1, 2022. The first day of a new year — a fresh start — albeit amidst a pandemic that after two years and lots of vaccines is nonetheless surging to its highest peaks yet.

I feel the urge to start “A Year of” … something, and it feels as if to do so requires starting it on this, the first day of the new year.

A year of expressing gratitude — testing if indeed expressing gratitude is the surest path to joy — seems like a fine ambition/resolution to make.

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And, if I express my gratitude here, on my blog, it can be a year of daily writing as well. Two birds and all that. So, short and sweet, today I am grateful for being born a human.

If you read Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening,” you’ll know what I mean. In his entry for January 1, he writes of how blessed we are humans are that we are living out our lives as human beings and not as rocks or ants or grass or cows or any other living thing on this earth.

Some days, honestly, I think I would rather be a tree. A giant redwood overlooking the pounding Pacific surf, or an oak tree providing blessed shade in a summer’s heat. But for this life, I am me, and all that comes with that — including the responsibilities for living my life fully and passionately and boldly and in a way that makes the world just a little better for my having lived in this form on this earth at this time.

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In this life, I am not a redwood tree. But I am a person with the opportunity to visit the trees, walk among them, embrace them, find peace among them, be grateful for them, and then leave the woods and walk along the beach and feel sand and salty air. And then buy an airline ticket and 9 hours later walk the cobblestone streets of Paris and then, who knows what adventure I can go on, all because I’ve been born a human at this time, in this place.

So today, I’m grateful to be alive in this form to fight the good fight, to write out whatever crazy thought comes to mind, to experiment with the relationship between gratitude and joy.

So welcome to my gratitude journal for 2022, I am thankful for visiting my site and grateful that you took the time to read this far. Thank you for being you, and for all that you bring to the world. And so it begins….

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Be Happy

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If you are too tired to exercise, and that Christmas cookie is too delicious to resist, you can still do something good for your heart — be happy. Dr. Karina Davidson of Columbia University Medical Center says that “If you aren’t naturally a happy person, just try acting like one,” according to a recent Associated Press news article. Researchers studied more than 1,700 adults for over a decade, and found that the ones that were happier had fewer heart attacks.

Maybe it’s because happier people tend to have healthier lifestyles, or because they have less stress and thus avoid the hormones that damage heart muscles which stress can produce. Whatever the reason, the fact remains that even faking happiness can help your health. And if my experience is any guide, sometimes when you put your heart into faking happiness — really give it that old college try — before you know it you are feeling genuinely happier.

It’s worth a try. So turn that frown upside down and follow the advice of Bob Marley — don’t worry, Be Happy!

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Joy vs. Happiness and How to Get More of Both

Feeling Joyful and Free

Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart

Brené Brown gave a talk a few night’s ago to discuss her new book, Atlas of the Heart. Her research and thoughts on Joy vs. Happiness were interesting to me, as it’s a distinction my husband is often asked about, since he started Made for Joy.

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Defining Joy

Brown defines Joy, based on her research, as “an intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure, and appreciation,” as contrasted with Happiness, where her data suggests is defined as “feeling pleasure often related to the immediate environment or current circumstances.” What struck me most was her belief that Joy is associated with connection — connection to others, to God, to nature, to the Universe — it’s more internal, she believes, whereas happiness is more external and circumstantial.

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Always with the Gratitude …

And the clearest path to deeper and more frequent Joy is through Gratitude. I know that, yet do I have a daily Gratitude practice? No, I do not. Are my bookshelves lined with Gratitude Journals begun and abandoned? Yes, they are. My best efforts lasted only days before they were forgotten in the press of work or errands or cooking or reading or any of the dozens of items that appear on my daily “To Do” list. Just five minutes is all a Gratitude Practice requires, and yet it’s five minutes that I cannot seem to find. And yet, Brown’s findings that being grateful adds to and deepens our Joy makes complete sense.

You’ve probably heard that as humans we tend to have a genetic set point of happiness that momentary ups and downs quickly modulate back to as baseline. But Brown’s research leads her to believe that practicing gratitude can extract more from our best moments. Yes, the “newness” and excitement of that car, house, dress, shoe, spouse will fade, but if we take the time to appreciate it, the feelings of joy and happiness derived from it will be deeper, and perhaps longer-lasting.

Foreboding Joy (sounds scary!)

One other take-away on Joy that spoke to me, Brown calls “foreboding Joy.” Never heard of it, but definitely have experienced it. It’s when “you’re afraid to lean into good news, wonderful moments, and joy.” You are afraid that if you lean into it, fully experience and embrace it, you’ll only end up hurt more in the end. You wait for the other shoe to drop, as surely it will, and by protecting yourself from that assumed inevitability you also shield yourself from truly feeling deep joy. Truly experiencing Joy, Brown says, is an act of vulnerability. Her research found that everyone who showed a deep capacity for joy also practice gratitude. There’s that Gratitude word again. Pursuing me, relentlessly. Demanding that I pay attention if I want to truly live my fullest, my best life.

My Life Lesson

The lesson I got from reading Brown’s thoughts on Joy and Happiness? Be grateful for each joyful moment life brings me. Soak it in — smell, taste, touch, feel and embrace it fully. It’s not going to last forever, and surely some obstacle or challenge or depressing or sad or horrible thing also lies ahead, but at least by embracing the moments of joy that equally await I will have the resilience, strength and courage to take on whatever life may bring. The best way to do that?

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Connect — with others, with Nature, with the Universe…

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Practice Gratitude. Picking up one of my many gratitude journals and going for it again!


Zero to Sixty

speedometer gauge reading at zero

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I’m 59 and 11 months today.  Next October 25, I want to know I’ve created my best pathway to sixty, and have blogged along the way to keep myself accountable.

First step along that path is to Train My Mind For Happiness, and step one in that endeavor is to be alert and mindful of toxic patterns of thought.

There are so many books on Happiness and Mindfulness, and courses aplenty as well.  First up for me is UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Foundation Science of Happiness Class.  There, they teach that each of us can create new roads through the superhighway of our brain — that we really can teach an old dog new tricks.

adult animals beautiful daylight

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I need some.  New pathways, that is.  I have well-worn groves along the toxic thoughts highway, starting with that capital “P” Perfectionism.   But believing that I can always be perfect … that when I fall short of perfect I am not enough, I am not worthy, I am a failure … shocking as it may seem, that belief does not lead to happiness.  Not even close.  And it keeps me from taking risks, it encourages me to hold on to (supposed) control, its makes me fearful of vulnerability.  It keeps me constrained in a very small box.

While there are pitstops for moments of pleasure along the Perfection Superhighway — a refueling when I get that fleeting feeling of satisfaction for a job well done, the beauty of the perfect roundness of those zeros in a “100” atop the graded paper — the stop is always too short.  Too soon, I’m back on the road, the short-lived joy of accomplishing something perfectly already forgotten while I search frantically for how to do the next thing just right.

While refueling stations are few and far between, however, there is an over-abundance of other things along that well-worn Highway of Perfect.  Anxiety, Alienation, Knowing I Am Not Enough — those are the oxygen I breath along that drive.  Well, f*ck that.  I’m tossing out the well-worn roadmap of my life and taking Exit 59A.  What’s that sign say?  This Way to Average?  Average????  Yikes!!!  OK, I’m in!  What the hell, it might be fun.   I’m going to do my best to start believing that doing good enough is good enough.  I’m exiting the well-worn highway of striving for perfection, and I’m going to start being happy for putting in the effort, taking the chances, going for it, even if I fall short.  I’m heading to It’s OK to Just Be Me, which is much more accepted, I hear, in Averageville.

highway exittCome and meet me there!